hey fuckheads

have you been clicking the ads to contribute to my alternate source of revenue to continue this facade that I call a life? just kidding, informal poll time.

In what order do you perform tasks in the shower? Here's my conditioner trick: I shampoo and wash the hair then put the conditioner in. Here's the tricky part. I leave it in while I wash my chiseled body then after it's worked its magic I wash that shit out and I'm done! At some point in there sometimes I shave my back. My average shower lasts about ten minutes. i DO NOT dawdle.

I had a redbull at work because they insist on training people during the closing shifts now, pretty sure it's a conspiracy to make me leave. Now I can't sleep. I've been reading this which kind of inspired me to write something here. I was looking through some flikr from people with some talent and just got me thinking about my talent and if anyone gives a shit about what I try and get out of me. It pisses me off because all the time I'm thinking about ideas for short stories and the like and I never follow up on it.

I was thinking about how true that Patton Oswalt joke is. On open mic nights it really is the fucking crazy people whose insanity is true comedic genius. To me, the internet is a giant open mic night. A teenager pouring their heart out in a run-on sentence, a conspiracy theorist believing they found their soapbox, hipsters juxtaposing themselves with the general public, 4chan people who don't realize how FUCKING STUPID they sound, I could go on really. It just makes me feel... superior. I swear to god if I ever spell out lawl I give anyone who reads this post permission to brutally murder me.

Anyways I think I'm coming off a little pessimistic here. The optimist says, "The glass is half full." The pessimist says, "The glass is half empty." The rationalist says, "This glass is twice as big as it needs to be." - from a book I got recently about understanding philosophy through humor. Next post is gonna be a short story, fuck it. Got this song stuck in my head. Let it wriggle its way into yours.

ugh

So I've been ridiculously sick for the past week and a half. Last Saturday night I went to see Shutter Island with Marina, during the first five minutes I started to get the chills and about twenty minutes after that I started to get a fever.

Shutter Island was such a great movie. I'm the kind of person who goes into a movie trying to figure out the twists and shit before they're revealed. Needless to say my head exploded watching this movie. At some point I had to just give up and take it for what it was. When we came out we had completely different conceptions as to what just happened for the past 138 minutes. Anyways there's a lot of stuff I feel I need to read the book to understand so I plan to do that after I finish my current one, which is turning out to be a juggernaut in itself.

I've always been an advocate of wrap based snacking, but I'm afraid I can't advocate this new McSnack-Wrap (I have no idea how to grammarize that). Even with extra mac sauce and onions (which is coincidentally how I enjoy my McDoubles) it's just not worth it. I'd rather have those big juicy beef patties on a sesame seed bun, buh dah bah bah bah, I'm lovin it. I'm sorry about all my allusions to meat because I know about 75% of the people reading this are vegetarians...

Sorry to digress, I ended up having bronchitis but on top of that Sunday night, early Monday morning I started throwing everything up. This was disturbing at first because I was throwing up pizza sauce, red gatorade, and cherry soda, so I thought I was just throwing up radioactive blood. I spent about six hours at the clinic waiting out Marinas shift, passed out and slept literally the rest of Monday. Now the rest of the week my appetite has been totally FUCKED UP and we'll see how life continues on Monday when I go back to work. I'll put some pics up from the Chinese New Years parade later, gung hay fat choy, sun nin fai lok. I'm gonna go lie down.

cot damn

Jesus that rap battle still makes me laugh.

Just in case you haven't seen the commercials, all you can eat pancakes is back at IHOP (!). I went there on Tuesday with Marina because I had a craving for pancakes for whatever reason. Ended up getting the big ass steak omelet with NY cheesecake pancakes and let me tell you, those are not good. Maybe they f'd up somehow but they tasted like regular pancakes to us with some strawberries on top. When it came time to pay I wanted Marina to pay on her card so the waitress would get the tip for sure and I would give Marina the cash for it. Marina didn't want to do this for some reason and I had to yell at her until she acquiesced (I spelled this right first try).

Here's another thing that happened to me. I go to the dental college for my teeth because it's cheaper than the dentist. I kind of know why now but I think it's still worth it. I'm always there for at least two and a half hours because he has to get his busy teachers to check up on everything and he inevitable screws shit up. He always breaths heavily when he's mashing on my teeth but that's kind of endearing. Anyways about a month ago I had to get some prescription mouthwash because my gums are totally fubar. The problem is that this witches brew is slowly killing my taste buds and I can't taste anything anymore. Sucks...

Here's a tangent, in those restaurant commercials where they show the fork cutting a bite out of an entree, where does the fork go? Do they just take it out of frame and end it? What's up with that.

It snowed A LOT on Tuesday. If anyone who orders food for delivery is reading this, don't order fifteen minutes before the place closes and the guy has to take his goddamn bike and bring a sandwich to your house six blocks away on streets that haven't had the snow cleared off them by hydroplaning all six blocks and give him a three dollar tip and expect him NOT to go buy three dollars worth of eggs and throw them at your house later.



Taxi drivers are psychotic in the city. Also don't look up when you see these signs.

Just finished cooking breakfast for us so I'm gonna make like a ball and bounce.

battle

Here's the setup: I was texting my brother and said something that inspired him to respond with some rhymes and I fell asleep. For the purpose of this transcription my brother will be known as MC Superlame and I will be known as MC Main Tank Feral Bear or MTFB for short. As a side note i've preserved all grammar and shortening we used to stay within the 160 character limit of our texts.

MC Superlame: warcraftin wit epic mounts we're guild tappin. Raids fuh gold we bold endless years of legends told. My royal elf golam knight is tight, ya bich ass ded 2nite.

MC Superlame: This a battle son, you down already? (I was napping at this point and woke up)

MC MTFB: sorry your rhymes bored me... you cant afford me, mental budget soaring verbally sparring? nah shooting fish in a barrel my rhymes rip to shreds; feral

MC Superlame: yer rhymes weak mon. Yawn. Im like clark kent of krypton. My flows faster than yer speeding bullets, im 2 strong. thought u had me in a barrel? Yer so wrong

MC MTFB: ill be on that kryptonite killin ya mans like shit is tite, transformation, beast ya crew kidd after im done time for a brew. after these rhymes, rue

MC Superlame: NO man can stan' to superman! This a battle of talk and you brought a rock? I can rue-in you like saddam in iraq. Just a caged beast for the people to mock.

MC MTFB: you dont wanna battle i broke out the cage erase your face slaughter like cattle there is no cow level no witnesses the crowd is just fodder

MC Superlame: yer rhymes all the same... domesticated and tame. Once a dumb mammal, now yer perfectly trained. No match for this super-intelligent brain.

MC MTFB: super-intelligent lame, bookworm for hire. call me guy montag burn all your books with my fire. ten degrees below blazing maybe your situation is dire

(at this point i explained to him that guy montag is the protagonist in the book Fahrenheit 451)

MC Superlame: more like Farenheit four the incredibly dumb. Did you get that pun? Rhymin 451. Throw your book on the pyre, i already won

MC MTFB: haha pardon me i had to laugh @ that. your rhymes r stacked like my benjamins but you a square, tiananmen. so throw the towel in b4 u end up in tank treads dead

MC Superlame: I knew you's a commie, a book burnin nazi, filthy red traitor, send you home to yer mommy. Feed you paint chips kid, 'Boy' did you get THAT one 'Tommy'?

MC MTFB: r u a black sheep? would you siege my keep? i feed u quality rhymes while i get nothin but grime im eating rubbish like goat while u plump up in little coat.

(Here I mentioned something about it being hard to stay within 160 characters)

MC Superlame: lookin down at my feet at a fool that can't tweet, 160 characters taste like a treat. The brevity's twit, from the soul of my wit. Just ask yerself how do he do it

MC MTFB: only do 160 in the lambo i rite epics. brevity is fetid riting ish on my cell sideways. dont get it twisted dis aint a sidekick norris & i roundhouse u, so sick

MC Superlame: You're the norris, Im bruce lee. A victory you cant see. Just a dude in the shadows dreamin you could be Barry (emcee superlame's made a fatal mistake revealing his real name)

MC MTFB: i dream of devouring berries until i realize im awake, unhinging my jaw yor new home is shared by cake. i celebrated decimating an emcee fatality by mansnake

(Here comes the final blow to emcee main tank feral bear, his healers are oom and all his cd's are down)

MC Superlame: I throw verbal spears. Get over here! The black&yellow you fear. Whoopsie! You got swept by the footsy. Perfect! Finished him! With the burning fatality.

And MC MTFB went down a minute into the 9th round and the winner is Superlame by TKO.

Maaaan it's been a couple months since i posted figured one was due. I'm waiting for 3.2 hoping it's gonna drop today since i'm in dire need of some entertainment. To most of my friends' behest, I try about every free to play game i can get my hands on and recently thought about getting serious with Atlantica Online. I played it fanatically for a couple days until I realized it was another grind fest with an interesting battle system so I uninstalled it yesterday. I think i'm going to play dungeon siege 2 until the servers are back up... Thankfully there seems to be a degrassi marathon on mtv for some reason this morning so i'm watching the first season again.

In addition to waiting for 3.2 I'm also waiting for the plumber to get here, marina dropped a toilet brush down there and it's pretty messed up. On another mundane note I might have a new supervisor at JJ so i'll get more than one sandwich a week (!!!!!).

To my Steely Dan heads out there, last week Marina and I went to this really dope Hawaiian themed bar (http://www.yelp.com/biz/hala-kahiki-river-grove) in close proximity to the house and I had a zombie (although it wasn't served in a coco shell). It was pretty damn strong but kind of tasted like fruit punch.

Now degrassi is over and the plumber has gotta be close, over and out son.

schilling

This site is crazy there's way too much to do on there and you can basically listen to anything you want anytime you want.

uh ohhhh

Scanning page 330 of 399, I don't have much time left. I'm watching xavier renegade angel and enjoying it. The writing in this season is so rapid fire it's kind of hard to keep up sometimes. Anyways I was making the bed this morning and laughed thinking about this futurama quote:

Zapp Brannigan: The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep.

Fry: You mean while I'm sleeping in it?

Zapp Brannigan: You won't have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you'll be doing.

Piece out C-town down.