hey fuckheads

have you been clicking the ads to contribute to my alternate source of revenue to continue this facade that I call a life? just kidding, informal poll time.

In what order do you perform tasks in the shower? Here's my conditioner trick: I shampoo and wash the hair then put the conditioner in. Here's the tricky part. I leave it in while I wash my chiseled body then after it's worked its magic I wash that shit out and I'm done! At some point in there sometimes I shave my back. My average shower lasts about ten minutes. i DO NOT dawdle.

I had a redbull at work because they insist on training people during the closing shifts now, pretty sure it's a conspiracy to make me leave. Now I can't sleep. I've been reading this which kind of inspired me to write something here. I was looking through some flikr from people with some talent and just got me thinking about my talent and if anyone gives a shit about what I try and get out of me. It pisses me off because all the time I'm thinking about ideas for short stories and the like and I never follow up on it.

I was thinking about how true that Patton Oswalt joke is. On open mic nights it really is the fucking crazy people whose insanity is true comedic genius. To me, the internet is a giant open mic night. A teenager pouring their heart out in a run-on sentence, a conspiracy theorist believing they found their soapbox, hipsters juxtaposing themselves with the general public, 4chan people who don't realize how FUCKING STUPID they sound, I could go on really. It just makes me feel... superior. I swear to god if I ever spell out lawl I give anyone who reads this post permission to brutally murder me.

Anyways I think I'm coming off a little pessimistic here. The optimist says, "The glass is half full." The pessimist says, "The glass is half empty." The rationalist says, "This glass is twice as big as it needs to be." - from a book I got recently about understanding philosophy through humor. Next post is gonna be a short story, fuck it. Got this song stuck in my head. Let it wriggle its way into yours.