slaughterous and bloodthirsty

I'm listening to Ajico, which is hardly homicidal music. If anything it's suicidal but that's fine, I'm feeling conflicted. I'm sort of dizzy sitting in the dark listening to this coughing like a madman and had the urge to write here. Not sure why, I think it's because a couple people have asked about it recently. Maybe because I feel like I need to do something that has made me feel important in the past. I have class in four hours and I just finished my little verse to Marc on facebook so I have no idea what I should write. I'll try not to rap here.

At times I think my brother may be the crazier of us two, but then maybe I have the same feelings as him and just fight through them in stead of deal with them. I'm saying this so that he'll see this and we'll talk about it, but that won't happen. He won't read this (I wanted to say "until it's too late", but that's not really apt. I would even say "in time" but that is misleading also) in a timely manner. I really need to move out. I want to start reading more, but that's impossible with certain people around, or maybe anyone around really. A bug has burrowed into the dermis. What kind of bug is it. I'm not going to try and determine that, it's just going to creep me out.

Chores I hate doing: cutting toe nails, shaving, laundry, being a normal human being.

Hey how's it goin? goo... large mocha? do you want whip on that? that'll be three fifty, what's your name? Chief?.. oh STEVE, thanks a lot. I can help the next person in line right over here. Not much lucidity here sorry. Hey how're you?... oh I'm alri... small nonfat latte? what's your name? Farinda? alright that's three dollars. Thanks a lot.

I ride a fucking bicycle everywhere, still go to community college, should have graduated from an actual school two years ago if I wasn't such human waste, barely ever change clothes, can't carry a conversation to save my life, am literally incapable of regarding anything seriously, bite my nails, generally just a nervous wreck, scrawny-gaunt-skeletonfucker, losing my goddamn hair, huge nerd, obsessed with things maybe fifty people on the entire planet give the tiniest fuck about, get enough sleep once every couple weeks, literally don't fit in anywhere, never going to age past about thirteen mentally, so non-confrontational it hurts, possibly too mentally challenged to learn a language that wasn't beat into his skull since he was born, hates quite a bit more than he lets on (which is a fucking feat), vocabulary consists of a kindergartner's + fuck, is incredibly fake in ninety nine percent of conversations just wants to say fuck off and be alone again, has less culture than Julia Roberts, would fuck a redwood if it had a vagina, has perfect eyesight (this is negative because I want to wear glasses so people think I'm smart), shows no emotion whatsoever, doesn't even want to think about the amount of time literally wasted watching t.v., I lie a ton for no reason at all, smells everything (everything), I find it difficult to brush my teeth (twenty three years old), wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight, and I occasionally don't wear socks. I suck so bad I couldn't even keep track of what tense I was writing in. Hey I'm thinking about keeping this list up to date, does that sound like a good time? Marinating...