So...

I was lying awake in my bed a second ago trying to recall whether I had locked my door or not, which wasn't a terrible excuse to come down and write this. Thinking if someone came in and stole what few possessions I own while I was unconscious a few feet away, I probably deserve it due to some shitty karma. My inspirations are incredibly corny but I feel like it's relevant and easily relatable. I've been watching a lot of the American Office and the relationship between Jim and Pam is written in a way that I think many of us can relate on some level or another. I kind of know how it ends and I generally disagree with the whole fairy tale ending but hey, it's good TV. I pretend I'm watching each episode for the first time which is not particularly difficult because it's been a while since I've seen them and the show's very well written and acted. I just finished watching the episode where Jim confesses his feelings for Pam and kisses her, which probably led me to my karmic epiphany. Speaking of epiphany, Nick was telling me about a chemical that ceases to be produced in your brain after the age of twenty four. The absence of the chemical makes it impossible for you to question the nature of existence internally or something, must follow up on this.

So I've always marginalized my role in pursuing Marina until just recently for whatever reason, or maybe it's because it's the exact situation in the Office, I don't know I'm not an analrapist. I'd like to think this is part of me getting older thinking back on past antics and truly grasping the gravity of my actions. The fact of the matter is that Marina was engaged prior to meeting a seventeen year old me. It was all pretty much down hill from there. I somehow convinced myself that she wasn't in love with him in virtue of having feelings for me. It's funny, I wonder what I could accomplish if I was actually that confident. All of you have had some choice words about Marina over the years but I enjoyed all the ups and downs we shared. However, in the year two thousand eleven, I must admit to myself that morally, getting involved with her was probably not my best decision.

Now it would be one thing if this was an isolated incident. I'm not going to go into detail but sufficed to say I have a terrible fucking track record with this. I'm positive that the forbidden fruit is what attracts me at this point. What I don't understand, is why? In case you were wondering, the door was unlocked.