Not quite

Electrical outlet, currently. Currant oatmeal scone, a venn diagram. I'll fight a man, won't kill em. Gorilla glue, herbivore. Religion for, no one deem. Spleen to appendix, explode. Implode like, solar. Molar hurts, drill time. Rhyme hard, brick & mortar. Porter & lager, drunken tiger style. Lyle Lovett, got a big ass band. Rand, I shrug. Drug, ingest copious. Dopey, sneezey, and grumpy, my presence dwarf. Barf, too many illicit substances. Rain dances, with wolves. Pulls and pushed, tug o' war. Or end conflict invisibly, can't see optometrically. Geometrically, might stab you with a compass. Rumpus room gets jumping, crackalackin and mackin. Actin niggas like Denzel, fall off like King Kong. Dong ring big, like Ben. Ten, styles transform extra terrestrial.

The Reanimated

I had a dream that I was surviving the zombie apocalypse with some people, and all the groups of people would do their own thing but work with each other when they needed to. For whatever reason I had to choose between two girls that I never had to choose between in the first place. I ended up being friends with one of them which confused the hell out of everyone. What a weird one...

And she met some guy

She's holding the camera a foot in front of their faces. I probably couldn't care less about her, but for whatever reason I'm really curious as to how she met the guy. I was that dude with the mental patient hairdo, to this day I'm not really sure if he cared what people thought of him back then. What the hell have you been up to? Probably a lot of really interesting shit, you probably dicked around on your parents' dollars for a while. I hope you two are happy together.

I know this comes off as being about someone I actually know very well or really do care about. Honestly it really was about someone that was barely even an acquaintance.

let the beat build

I think I have the impulse to talk about Kara all the time here because I spend so much time acting like nothing's going on and hiding shit. So on to Kara.

I had an impressively shitty day today, couldn't motivate myself to leave the house at all. I justified it to myself since I was starting to get sick but I know I didn't need that much sleep. Anyway Kara closes Mondays and I kind of just sat around waiting for her to text me or something but eventually I just texted her. She had been getting water from work so I had found a brita pitcher on amazon for seven bucks and bought it for her, and went over and gave it to her tonight. I feel a palpable tension, I guess she didn't really know what I was doing but a text is never that intrusive. I also feel kind of bad because her kidney infection might be coming back which is a major downer. I had a dream a while ago that I was cheating on Kara with some extremely unattractive girl that I couldn't care less about. What's it all mean? Kara Kara Kara Kara. Okay that should do it.

I went out drinking with some people the other night because they owed me from a previous favor. All of a sudden hanging out with these people kind of pissed me off. All the negativity and shit talking which is usually par the course for these people just really got to me. I got into a fight with Kara at work the next day because of it and I'm just hoping it was an isolated incident. I don't want to have to cut off contact with them, I may have to limit it a bit though.

How do you imagine the weather on the day that you die?

Pat Rack

I got to thinking a little bit today about the stuff we accrue over time just living life. It was kind of weirdly reaffirmed talking to nick at Norm's tonight, he was saying that his mom keeps everything and it makes his dad crazy. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this now so I'm just putting it out there. Things are things, and they're nice but do they really matter?

let me put this down

I just got back from class, I'm a little shaky I'm not sure why. I was a little dizzy riding back not sure why. I saw a dog being walked with an expression that got me thinking. That was a non sequitur.

When I unfriended Andy, he talked a bunch of trash about my relationship with dad relating it to Barry. Truth is, he has no idea what the fuck he's talking about. Who knows what I got from my dad, I'm sure he has good qualities. I learned to be a man from my mom. Nature versus Nurture. I'm sure there's some Jeff in me somewhere but my character crystallized from splinters of experience from Michele. I don't remember a lot from my childhood but I very clearly remember being baffled by that odd hair that started appearing on my face. For whatever reason that will always be a formative memory for me, my mom teaching me to shave. Anyways I'm losing my focus, if he wants to have a relationship we'll have one. And I'm fine with that.

writer's block 75 spf

It's when I'm sitting here staring at the gaping white maw of my ineptitude that I truly feel like a piece of utter shit. I'm being hyperbolic but these days writing has been the only thing I've really felt proud of in a while. I'm sitting here right now at 2:15 AM at my crappy apartment watching Malcolm in the Middle and biting the shit out of my finger tips. I have nothing of beauty to put here and that kind of bothers me.

I'm going to call Ursula tomorrow and tell her about the sorta serious relationship I've suddenly found myself in. I don't know how any of this is going to end up but at least there's a ghost of a chance with Kara. I'd love to give you a shot Ursula but you're about two thousand miles away from me. You should know that you're justified in having about ten thousand times more confidence than you do. Here goes nothing.

a Nail Biter

The stark silhouette of a stop sign on slate.
The silhouette never signals to stop, set off.
Silhouettes skewed on slabs of concrete.
Sort out your silhouettes, they can be salacious.
Cast of artificial illumination, light bulbs above cerebellums.
A spotlight massacres your silhouette.

thanks be to ye

I have a small patch of shit on my ribs that leads me to believe I have shingles and I'm freaking the fuck out.

In other more repetitive news I can't figure out what to do about Kara. I'm really sure I'm not exactly her type physically and I use that to sabotage myself at every available opportunity. I do my best to maintain a comfortable distance between us, which is easier because she's fairly conservative when it comes to anything involving her feelings for me. Unfortunately she recently got me Fight Club, and said she missed me tonight. Which is kind of monumental, I really wasn't being cute when I said conservative. Steady as she goes.

Finally, I watched Vanilla Sky again for the first time since it was in theaters I believe. It got me thinking about how much pop culture affects our personalities and how important it really is. What does your favorite movie or book really say about you as a person? What does it REALLY say about you as a person if you've never seen a movie in your life?? I think my taste in anything is really just a means for me to relate to other people in the end.

like a virgin

This is something I've thought about every now and then, for whatever reason I've been thinking about it again. It seems like every year has fewer and fewer magical moments than before. Mostly I would think about it when I would end up working on some holiday that I remembered having a lot of fun on the previous year. The feeling has permeated the rest of my life now though. The thing is, there's really no reason I should feel like this.

I'm going out with my supervisor, a tall blonde karate chick with a fucked up eye. I'm in some kind of nebulous long distance flirty textathon with the best friend of another supervisor. The days blur together like nobody's business, which is intense because I don't sleep a lot. What am I doing when I'm awake?? I had class and work today and somehow still managed to watch the entire fifth season of 30 Rock.

I think part of it might be that I'm twenty four years old, still at SMC, and still at Peets. My life is going to change drastically when I finally transfer after this semester. I really hope that helps, but it's also making it hard to get attached to anything right now. Ya know, that old chestnut.

What happened to the magic? What do I have to do to recapture some of that nostalgia? This could've been more organized but fuck it.

aint no valley low

It's sort of funny, do I enjoy my life as a roller coaster? I was thinking during the movie that I need to get my priorities straight. Sometimes I feel like everything's working in concert with everything else, I hate to say that because of the ridiculous symphonic metaphors in that pile of shit. I always want to bake a cake, as well as eat and digest it simultaneously. I like to think that this class requires more of my time than I deem fair, but that's seriously one of the stupidest things I've ever thought in my life. There are designated times in the school schedule to let loose and have fun. This is not one of those times and I need to make sure I'm on top of my shit right now. Good night and good luck.

Pulp

Our hero finds himself out of breath tracing the curvaceous four oh five. What few colors are left run together. I'm sort of glad I still have my safety net, but the fact that I set it up pretty much means I'm guilty as fuck. This is not where I want to be. Grasping at mossy rock walls guiding through viscous darkness. I'm aware of what I'm holding on to and there are brief moments of visibility, very brief. At some point, I will trip. It's going to hurt. Though it won't hurt me. Well maybe it will. God damn I have nothing to do and this is all I can muster, sometimes I miss my muse.

failure

I don't enjoy failing. I can't believe I screwed up so bad. I'll augment this a little more later, I feel like lying down.

lesser of two weasels

I'm taking a little siesta from writing (obviously) mostly because I'm feeling less inspired these days. I feel like I've lost control of everything, including my command of the English language. I shouldn't have had to leave this morning, I'm kind of pissed about that.

morn

I feel stupidly empty, when really there's no reason to.

God

You really have an amazing sense of humor.

potent potable

I asked your silhouette to give me her elbow, always the gentleman.
I literally ran until I couldn't run anymore (literally?).
Walking back with nothing but the company of gorillas.
Walking is kind of an overstatement, shuffling like the walking dead.
Walking like the shuffling dead.
The gentle caress of a plant on my collar bone.
Suffering from phantom limb syndrome, guess which.
Sorry about your heartache, you inspire me.

what in the world?

Did I actually write this? I emailed this to myself on 4/10/2008:

"it's pronounced 'skeeeezooooors' " stated the anal archer as his slick maple ammunition bore a 3 foot deep 7 inch wide hole in his (contractor's) face. The slender woman found that it was best to keep her feet to herself as the auto sander buffed her digits into nothingness. As deep as the ocean is wide, the canyon enveloped the lost travelers as the millions of tiny shutters closed for the last times. As his foot weighed more and more on the velocitator, the mendicant's bloodied face, which had already been lacerated by a multitude of tiny glass dirks, plunged deeper and deeper into the half-existent windshield. Finally the super model's stiletto plunged through the automaton's left ventricle. First, there was light, then darkness, for without the former the latter could not exist. Born from the shadows, i stood, barooboodoo

GO KARA!!!!

Also He's A Robot

So It's all goooood in the hood. Well not really. I texted you so there's no need for indirect flowery prose to communicate with you. I'm just curious to see how the time apart has affected us. Victoria made some reference to you and Anton getting it on, I'm telling you she's trying to get a rise out of me I don't understand it at all.

I've very recently felt like Mel Gibson in Brave Heart, soon I will be pulled apart piece by piece. Check the tunes.