old writings

I wrote this 4 years ago and came upon it while googling myself. Enjoy.

I have a simple story to relate to all my fans. So i was sitting on a park bench reading psalm 51:23 when all of a sudden a huge red apple dropped from the oak tree behind me and plopped me in the head. That seriously disrupted my hard x core christian rock so i took my headphones off and checked out the scene. I thought about it for a second and realized oak trees don't grow apples huh? So i scratched my head in a puzzlish gesture and looked upward from whence the apple fell. Low and behold there was a snake up there! REMEMBER FROM THE BIBLE??! So i tried to talk to it but all he wanted to do was inject poisonous venom into my forearm. Well i was in a pickle huh? After hours of contemplating i picked up my bible and smote the creature back from the sulfurous pit he was born from, which was the portapotty behind the park. Unfortunately someone saw me and called the police but I explained that it was all a misunderstanding but when i reached for my bible to ask if the arresting officer had met jesus, he clubbed me until i was unconscious. Next think i knew i was in a holding cell waiting for my dad to pick me up... well i need a shower after that whole ordeal so take from my story what you may, jesus is in all of our hearts even if your clubbing your fellow man while he's reaching for the bible!